Pain
by the fangirl 2013
Summary: Sherlock gets hurt but how will he cope?
1. I'm fine

For the first time in Sherlock's life he was afraid. Well at least without drugs being involved. The pistol was pointed at John and the man behind the gun was delirious.

"Calm down. I don't want to hurt you," John said.

"You hurt me? No one will ever hurt me again! You or this man," he pointed the gun at Sherlock "or anyone will never hurt me," the man said.

Sherlock studied the man. He was short with brown hair. His brown eyes were full of fear. his wide eyes told Sherlock that he was new at being a criminal. He didn't want to kill but his hands weren't shaking so that meant that he would kill if threatened.

"Look we can help you. Please, Interpol will be here..." John said.

"You called the police!" the man said. This was his final assault.

At the last second, the man brought the gun around and pulled the trigger. A searing pain went through his leg. Sherlock fell to the ground and clutched his leg. He saw the man run, but John ran to him.

"Go get him, I am fine . Just a scratch," Sherlock groaned. Stop showing emotions, he thought.

" Sherlock your delirious. It went straight through you thigh. We need to get you to the hospital," John explained.

"We?"

" Yes. Interpol just showed up. Lestrade is going to give us a ride."

"I'm fine." Sherlock said. Even though all he complaining they got him into the car.

An hour later he was out of surgery. The doctor tried to give him morphine, but Sherlock refused. He also refused any source of food they tried to give him. The nurse ushered in John, who promptly laughed at Sherlock in his hospital gown. Sherlock immediately scowled in protest. Not a moment later a doctor walked though the door.

"Sherlock, I see you haven't been taking the morphine . And your not answering the nurse's. Are you in pain?" the doctor asked

" I am great. Fine. Fantastic. Now can I go?" Sherlock asked the doctor. Just the sight of the cast on repulsed him.

" Almost. Um, well you need to keep your leg elevated and use those crutches I prescribed. Get lots of rest and don't do anything that might break you bone again," the doctor ordered.

"Your wife's cheating on you with Dr. Howard. And your dog is going to have a baby," Sherlock immediately said to the doctor.

"Don't mind him, he is always like this" John gave Sherlock an angry look. Sherlock mouthed _what? _but John just rolled his eyes.

"Thank you Mr. Watson," the doctor said. John stood up a little taller in recognition of his last name. Sherlock wished he could stand.

Sherlock stubbornly looked out the window of the cab. The stupid cast was large and bulky. He hated it. He knew John would make a big deal about it. All Sherlock wanted to do was go to his mind palace. The only place he felt sane. Why did this have happen to him? Everyone knew John was the one who always got hurt. Sherlock was to smart. Or so he thought.

The cab stopped, pulling Sherlock out of his haze. Sherlock went for his wallet, but John thrust the money instead. Sherlock tried to grab the crutches, but John took them.

Very funny, now give them back" Sherlock said angrily .

John ignored him and walked around the car. He helped Sherlock out of the cab. He didn't leave him alone till Sherlock was in his own bed. Sherlock had to insist he was fine in order for him to leave.

Sherlock huffed and picked his crutches back up and walked over down the stairs and to the couch. He immediately went to his mind palace. He searched everywhere for the man he'd seen. The only thing he'd come up with was an old news article about his wife dying when a drunk driver hit them.

He was suddenly woken from his palace when some one touched his cast they moved it upward despite his thoughts not too, he cried out. He looked and saw John frustrated. hew put Sherlock's leg down onto a pillow.

"Are you doing well, Sherlock, and don't say you are because I know you" John asked.

John seemed to realize Sherlock was ignoring him. Anger swelled in him. He hit Sherlock square in the nose.

"Are you insane?" Sherlock asked.

"Tell me the truth!" John yelled.

The phone rang interrupting their fight. Sherlock grabbed the phone and saw the caller I.D .Sherlock smiled when he read it, it was Lestrade.

"What is it ? Is it a murder? Do you need me at the crime scene? Do I need my microscope?" Sherlock asked.

"Um, Yes. Yes, and no." Lestrade said.

"Great."

Sherlock jumped up and immediately regretted it. He fell onto the couch and muttered curses. John said he wasn't coming. When the pain finally stopped. Sherlock turned on him

"What is bloody wrong with you. I am bloody able to go to a crime scene" Sherlock realized he was yelling.

"You need to stop acting like you aren't hurt. News flash you are! Now stop and act grown up" John said.

Sherlock refused to speak for 10 minutes. Until his head fell to his hands. He started to speak.

"I don't like to be hurt. It's unnatural. How do you cope?" Sherlock asked.

"I just try to forget. I also use pain killers so that might help" John replied.

"Sorry" Sherlock mumbled.

"Wow a confession. And was that an apology?" John mussed.

"Now why would I do a thing like that." Sherlock turned around. Then he smiled.


	2. Drugs

Sherlock smiling? This was new for John. Things changed dramatically for Sherlock. A whole different kind of behavior sprouted from him. Sherlock started eating and making food( Even though it wasn't very good). He even stopped saying he was fine. He would tell him if he needed something or if he had to go somewhere.

As much as this should have reassured him, John was still curious about the sudden change of character. Why change now? Was he hiding something? And if he was, what exactly was it?

John thought these things as he walked to his flat. And to his surprise he heard moaning. It was coming from Sherlock's flat. John hadn't realized how much pain Sherlock had been in till now. Then John devised a plan. He would crush pain killers into tiny bits and mix them into the sugar. John didn't take sugar in his coffee so he would be fine.

He immediately went to the store and did his plan. That morning Sherlock made his coffee with sugar. John smiled at his success. In an hour he could already see a difference. Sherlock seemed to loose some of the stress of his leg.

" how are you doing Sherlock," John asked.

"Better." Sherlock admitted, but he seemed stressed.

" What is it?" John asked after he saw Sherlock's finger's drum against his leg.

" No lead in the case about the shooter," _He meant his shooter_, John thought." he had disappeared."

Sherlock hopped of the couch and hobbled over to his skull. He lifted it and grabbed the cigarettes. He brought out a match and lit one. _here we go again_, John thought.

" Sherlock you don't need those. You've been doing so well," John said angrily.

" Well you try living here and getting drugged by your own friend," Sherlock said pointedly at John.

" Now Sherlock..."

" Don't even try to explain. Good bye." Sherlock interrupted.

" Sherlock," John groaned.

He tried to explain but Sherlock was already gone.

* * *

" Your a bloody jerk" John heard.

Sherlock stumbled down the stairs and staggered over to John. _He's drunk! _John thought. Sherlock pointed something at John which made his heart stop. He cocked the gun in his hands.

"Sherlock, put it down," John warned.

" I don't think I will." Sherlock replied

And he fired.

* * *

John jumped out of the way. Dove for Sherlock and tackled him to the ground. He hit Sherlock's wrist so hard the gun fell. John lunged for the gun and pointed it at Sherlock.

"Come on," John said.

They walked up the stairs and into Sherlock's room.

" Lie down," John commanded. Sherlock did. "Now sleep."

John stayed in the room until Sherlock's breathing slowed. John was worried about him. John looked around the room and saw whiskey bottles in the corner. _So that was the secret, _John thought. He stood up and brought the bottles to the bathroom sink. Then he poured the whiskey down the drain. There now this might end.

He had no idea how wrong he was.


	3. Words

**Hey thanks for the views.** **keep it up! Oh and my country might come out. Jack-wagon is meant as an insult. sorry for the inconvinence. **

* * *

Uh-hmm," Sherlock groaned." What happened?"

Sherlock sat up immediately, his eyes wide. He never forgot anything. Except useless knowledge like Stars and Planets. He searched his mind Palace for clues, but nothing came up. Then he hopped up grimacing at the pain in his leg. Briefly wondering about the pain in his neck, but he just concluded that he slept wrong.

He walked down the stairs causally and reviewed John from afar. His hand twitched slightly meaning he was annoyed. Eyebrows pulled together which meant Sherlock did something. And the telly on, oh yeah he did something. He entered the room slowly.

" Hello John," Sherlock greeted.

" Hello Sherlock, have a headache?" John asked.

" No, why?"

" Well you were drunk last night."

Sherlock laughed, the realized he was serious." your kidding right?"

" No you had whiskey and..."

"I don't even like whiskey, John."

"Well you had an awful lot last night"

" Great God." Sherlock complained. "I've got it!"

* * *

Sherlock ran as fast as he could to his room silently cursing the cast that would be taken off tomorrow. It Felt like the weeks dragged on like he did to the darn cast. He got to his room and got the object out of his cluttered room. He brought them out to John. John busted out laughing and Sherlock mumbled " Jack-wagon." And John laughed again.

" A baby monitor? Look I didn't mean..."

" Just watch." Sherlock interrupted and he played the footage.

On-screen, Sherlock, went into his rom and yelled curses. He picked up his pillow and threw it at the wall. The he took out the cigarettes, looked at them and opened them. He got one out and looked at it. Then he angrily slammed them into the bed he then turned around to face the intruder that had just came from his window.

The intruder smirked and brought out a knife. " Well this will be interesting." On-screen Sherlock said. They ran towards each other. Sherlock landed a damaging blow to the kidney and the intruder pushed a needle to his neck. Sherlock immediately fell to the ground.

Then the intruder set the stage. Putting whiskey bottles in the in the corner and the gun into Sherlock's hand. then he left

* * *

" Well that was interesting" John said.

" Yes indeed it was," Sherlock voice was like a whisper in the wind.

The phone wrung and Sherlock grabbed it.

" Hello Lestrade." Sherlock smiled.

" Hello Sherlock, we need you here," Lestrade said urgently.

" What for?"

" We found your shooter. He said to tell you Moriarty is still alive and wants your memories."

The lights went off for Sherlock and he fell to the ground.


	4. Moriarty

**Sorry for the wait experiencing writer's block. So, about this chapter. Angst, nightmares, Moriarty. **

**Warning: death and talk of afterlife. not that bad but not my usual writing.**

* * *

Sherlock walked in the darkness. He could hear the evil laughs of his enemy. The twisted laughs that had haunted his mind for the past 6 months. Mr. James Moriarty the dead that lived again.

" No. No!" Sherlock ran the opposite way but the laughs got louder.

" Don't you know we were made for each other!" Moriarty says. Then he's there right in front of Sherlock. The only light surrounding James.

"Noooo" Sherlock was suddenly falling. He dropped onto the roof of the hospital he hadn't been able to see for months. _The Reichenbach fall_ as John had put it. The place where he faked his death.

" Go on jump!" Moriarty said .

And he see's himself jump. This time not faking the fall. Not shocking everyone with a fake body as his own. No this time he hit the ground at the sound of a crack as his neck breaks. Then he see's himself in the casket knowing he was dead. John comes to see him tears streaking his face. Soon after a knife plunges through John. He sees John fall with a shocked look on his face. Behind him is Moriarty. A smile plays on his lips.

The scene changes he know is in a small room just a couch and a man. To one side is a red light. Dark and evil, luminous red. And Moriarty laying on the couch. In Sherlock's most famous pose. Hands in a praying position touching his chin. His eyes closed, still smiling.

" We both know you can't die and I can't die without each other. Come lets meet each other in hell." Moriarty calls. "We can end in a non-boring way. I am not going to die without you. That not how it works. You'd be bored without me. You even kept me alive in your mind to keep from going insane. You have been waiting for me. But if I'm dead, who do you have? John? He doesn't love you. He tells you all the time. 'I'm not gay' he says. You have no one. Why not die? Hmm?"

" He does care," Sherlock says sadness filling his voice.

" Really? He didn't believe you when you said you weren't drunk. Sherlock you can't handle the truth you love him. You just don't want to admit it but you do."

" How would you know that?"

" Because I'm in your mind. I know your most inner thoughts. The ones you don't want to think. So come on. Lets go to hell." he gets up and beckons Sherlock to the red light.

" I'm dying aren't I?" Sherlock asks.

" Nasty bump on your head. It's all up to you. But you don't want to face me. You still afraid of me. You cower in your room every night after dreaming about me. You fear me. _I'm _your worst nightmare. So will you face me? Or take the easy way out. I prefer the easy way. What about you?" Moriarty asks.

" I need to wake up." Sherlock tells himself.

" Okay" He said in a sing-song voice.

* * *

A jolt goes through Sherlock. His eyes dart open. He looks around to see a ambulance. He is on the bed held down with leather straps. A doctor stands over him with metal pads over him he brings the pads down and a his body lurches forward. The doctor sedates him and he falls to a deep and, surprisingly, dreamless slumber.

He wakes in a different room. John sleeps in the corner. He has one of his fingers in a cast. There's dried blood on one of his hands. _He got into a fight,_ Sherlock thought. He sat up and his head swam.

"What happened?" he asked himself.

" You were attacked when Lestrade called. The same man from before. He tried to kill you. In fact he did. The doctors saved you in time for no brain damage. Although you probably already have that so,"

"Shut up Mycroft. So when do I get out of here?"

" Depends on your head."

Sherlock looks down, he briefly smiles to see that his cast off. He looks at Mycroft to see the bags under his eyes. He knows this won't end.

"This is Moriarty's game he's gonna keep hitting us until we break" Sherlock says.

"Sherlock Moriarty's dead. This must be his circle. He's dead."

"He won't hurt him. No one will" Sherlock says to himself.

" Sherlock calm down," Mycroft says, but his face changed to Moriarty's. In fact now he stands with knife poised to through at John." He won't feel a thing."

"No!" Sherlock struggles against his bonds. Shaking violently. He wiggles his hand out of one of the straps and ripped the I.V out of his arm. Doctors rushed in to restrain him. Immediately sedating him, he see's John looking worryingly at him as he falls into a drug induced sleep .


	5. Fear

**So Johnlock wasn't working for me. I'm changing it to a sort of bromance theme. So Sherlock wanted to protect john in a friendly way. don't know if I should make a Sherlolly. Oh this is chapter is in celebration of over 1,000 views on this story! #snoopyhappydance... So here's the story.**

* * *

Soon Sherlock was at home not speaking. He wouldn't eat or sleep. He wanted peace and quiet. But John wouldn't have it. Every minute asking if he was ok or if he needed something. He'd just try to ignore the words. John would just get more vigorous, though. He start to shake him or yell. Sherlock just lied there and thought.

Then he was hungry. For the first time in what felt like years he got up. He went to the kitchen, but then thought better of it. He then walked over and turned on the telle. The show was something about families and their problems. "of course She's not the one who stole the money" He would blurt or " Why would he be the father? Look at the shoes!"

Then John walked in. He was surprised to see Sherlock up and started to yell.

" Why in the world would you stay there for five days? Hm-mmm? You need to eat." John declared.

" Nope," Sherlock continued to watch the telle " Why in the world she have _your_ baby?"

" Yes Sherlock, you will." he began to pull the man to the kitchen.

John sat him down and to his protest got him to eat a spoon full of soup. Sherlock might be taller, but, he was sleep and food deprived and John was already stronger than him. Sherlock decided to not eat anymore. He shut his mouth and refused to open it. It wasn't long before they were on the ground fighting. Sherlock threw a punch and john went to kick. Ten minutes later they were laughing and holding there stomachs.

" You need to eat and sleep." John said all the joking gone.

" If I do will you stop worrying?" Sherlock asked.

" He said you might have a relapse. Why did you fall anyway?"

" None of you business." Sherlock said taking this time to eat big spoonful of soup.

" your dodgen the question, Sherlock why did you fall?"

* * *

Because I was scared." Sherlock said 10 minutes later. " I had nightmares about him coming back and hurting my friends. He haunts me, you know. He wants me dead. He'll not die till I do, He told me. We have to get him and stop him. And then keel me afterward. He'll stay dead,, then." Sherlock eyes were wide with fear.

" Calm down there's no way he's alive. You saw him die." John was starting to get worried.

" Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must me the truth." Sherlock said.

" Alright, Spock. You need to relax."

Sherlock was frantic. Mumbling about guns and science. He stood waging the factors of a subatomic bomb. If he could just find out where Moriarty is. He felt something prick his neck and he fell to the ground. Sherlock felt all his muscles relax. He soon was disoriented. Where was he anyway. The flat? _ Never seen it from down here_, he thought . When he could move anything at all he rolled over and threw up.

" Oh yeah that was a symptom of the serum I gave you. Yeah you were freaking out so I decided it was best. So is you feel lightheaded please tell.

You need to sleep, though, that will make you tired beyond belief. Down in the labs they were testing it on animals before. Took it for a rainy day, " John told him.

Sherlock lunged for John and they both fell to the ground. Sherlock punched him three times before he was flipped so he was on the ground pinned.

"Listen, you are not going to carry on with this nonsense. You will relax and sleep. Now!" he commanded.

"Listen, you are not going to carry on with this nonsense. You will relax and sleep. Now!" he commanded.

Sherlock was tired. He didn't want to admit it, but John was right. He would have uttered a thousand curses if he wasn't so tired. He soon fell asleep and his dreams turned into nightmares. All with the famous Moriarty. And all with pain and suffering.

" Ahhh!" Sherlock awoke with his own screams filling his ears.

" What's wrong?" John said running into the bedroom.

" Dreams, always dreams. So where are we off too" Sherlock said getting up.

" Dimmock did call about a potential homicide ,but, are you sure you want to?" John asked.

Sherlock was already down stairs. He called a cab and waited outside. John left the flat promising Ms. Hudson that he would watch after Sherlock. When he got outside Sherlock was getting into the cab. John ran to the cab in fear of being left. By the time they were at the crime scene Sherlock was up to his usual perky behavior. He wanted to see what was at this crime scene.

When they were in ears reach of the crime scene Sally saw them and gave Sherlock a sad glance. _Well that's weird, _Sherlock thought. They walked towards the crime scene until D.I. Dimmock came to them and stopped them. He tried to stop Sherlock but he just brushed past the man. Sherlock suddenly stood there, not moving.

When John Saw what was before him, he no longer refused to believe Sherlock. He was alive. Sherlock must have realized this because he bolted. Ran straight towards the exit by the near wall. He raced down the stairs obviously fear spiking his strength. John ran after him too, leaving the dead body and the large letters that spelled 'Moriarty lives' , behind.


	6. Amnesia

**so this chapter is intense. Sherlock gets to be a player! **

**Caution : mentions of "action" not totaly there but got something going on. Nothing to get worried about. I would never do that to ya'll. oh and over 2000 views! Yayyyy!**

"Where in the bloody world is that man?" John asked himself.

He couldn't have gotten far. John searched everywhere until stopping at a dark alley. There was a figure in the darkness and the shadow of unruly curls told John who it was.

"Come on Sherlock time to go work on the case."

No answer.

" Come on you lazy pig."

No come back.

" Do I have to come over there.

Nothing.

That's when John saw the crimson shade of blood pooling from Sherlock's body. No wonder there was no movement. John became very worried.

" Help! Help!" John cried.

* * *

" Will he be ok? " John asked.

" Yes but..." The doctor started.

" Can I see him?" John interrupted.

" Yes but..." The doctor tried to explain but John was already gone.

* * *

He sat there wondering. _where was he? Who was he? What was he doing here?_ Then a doctor came in wearing a unusual smile. He was short with sandy hair and blue eyes. Afghanistan, he thought. _What does that mean?_ he asked himself. But his mind was silent .

" Hey so hopefully you can come home soon. Ms Hudson has been worried sick!" The doctor said.

_who is Ms. Hudson?,_ he thought But all he said was" Cool. So where am I?"

" in the hospital. You. Got a nasty cut on your arm. But, hey, no we both got scars right?" he smiled as if this was some kind of joke.

" Yeah I guess so. So two questions, one: why the heck do you talk like you know me? And two: who am I?" He asked.

" Stop joking around, Sherlock, it isn't funny."the doctor said getting serious.

" No really, who am I?"

* * *

"How in god's bloody name can he not know his own name?!" John yelled.

"We don't know. Nothing in history is quiet like his case John. He should be just fine, though his testosterone level is high. He should know his own life"

"why isn't even can I do to help him?"

"you may need to take him back to your flat. He knows stuff there it might trigger a memory. And if it does he could remember his life."

"So just taking home?"

" Yes it'll be good for him. Trust me you'll see."

* * *

As they drove back to flat show Sherlock could not help but feel awkward around John. they spent over two years together, supposedly, and he forgot all of it. what would happen if it just got, well, awkward . God he need a drink.

As they walked into the flat Sherlock immediately went to the couch. He felt as if he need to do something but he didn't remember what. He suddenly jumped up from the couch looking angrily around the living room. _why can you remember it was so stupid!_ He looked over John who looked at him worryingly.

"I'm going for a drink!" He announced.

" Are you sure that's best? "John asked. " You don't even know our address"

221b Baker Street. I bet I can get a cabbie to take me home."

And with that the great Sherlock Holmes left the building. Leaving John all alone.

* * *

Sherlock huffed and stalked off. He was angry. John had to ask questions. Why couldn't he leave him alone. But part if him wondered if it was him that was the problem. Was he acting normal? Or was he just another amnesiac without any knowledge and understanding.


	7. Change

**So I don't know why that last chapter ended that way. I don't like it at all. If you do well ok then. But I certainly hated it, so this is a reminder that you can just skip that last part. this chapter is a personal favorite. quick sum up: Sherlock gets along with Scotland Yard. And acts...well...normal.**

* * *

"And that's when I said 'get off your duff and help me with your bags, do I look like a bell hop?" Sherlock said.

All around him were members of The Scotland Yard. To name two :Donovan and Anderson. The crowd burst into fits of laughter. Anderson slapped Sherlock on the back and Donovan covered her mouth.

Lestrade watched from a distance. He was not sure he quite liked the new Sherlock. He was so different, Sherlock no longer was cold and sociopathic. Sherlock was somewhat normal, he was even a bit devilish. He'd stolen Lestrade's wallet twice and hid some of his cold case files.

John came through the door and walked to Lestrade. He gave a curious look but Lestrade just shook his head. He was worried about the lad. Even though he couldn't remember didn't mean Lestrade couldn't. Lestrade remembered the drugs, the suicide attempts, even the arrest of Sherlock Holmes father. his father, the man who had abused his son.

" Hey were going to the pub after work you want to come? you can even take that blogger of yours." Anderson told Sherlock.

" Why does everyone ask and talk about John?" Sherlock asked.

Anderson just laughed and started to walk away only to stop and look back at Sherlock.

" Oh, and Sherlock, watch out for the grenades!" they both laughed.

And at that moment John realized Sherlock was gone, and he didn't know who was in his body. He didn't even know his name.

* * *

" Why does he seem, I don't know..." John started.

" Happier?" Lestrade finished. John nodded " well he doesn't have his past weighing him down."

" what happened in his past?" John asked.

" You mean he hasn't told you," John shook his head. " Never mind, it doesn't matter. The point is that maybe this isn't a bad thing. "

* * *

_" Hello Sherlock, Where have you been?" The father said._

_" Out," a little boy said._

_" Where Sherlock? " The Father grabs the little boys arm and twists it, the Boy cries out in distress " Tell me where!"_

_" I was at the Homeless Network headquarters, they offered me a place." The little boy whispered._

_" No you will not leave me. Your the only thing I have left of your mum, ever since Mycroft I have only you a pathetic FREAK!" the Father brought his fist down onto the little boy's head._

_This went on for a while, the father beating the boy. His son's wails piercing the air. His foot and hand hitting the son so much. And to top it all off he took a can of beer and pored it on his son. He laughed at his son's weeping state. " Where's your deductions now boy? you want to tell me what I had for dinner? Ya know what? Tell me, no do tell" his father kicked the boy when he didn't answer " Tell me!"_

_" Steak and Potatoes. With corn and Cola. Toped of with a high amount of beer" the little boy spat._

_" Yeah I hated that" The father kicked the son again._

* * *

"Agh!" Sherlock screamed jumping out of bed.

He wiped his sweating hands on his pants. _Who was that little boy? And why was that so scary to him? _He paced the floor thinking of that horride nightmare. He thought of the father and it sent chills up his back. But _why?_

" Sherlock are you ok? What happened?" John rushed in.

" Fine, just woke up." Sherlock brushed his worries beside.

" Do you usually scream waking up?" John pressed.

" Only when I'm having a wonderful day!" He said cheerily.

Sherlock walked out to the living room. John followed close behind still wanting to finish the conversation. Sherlock laid down on the couch in his old pose. This was what he always did, even through the amnesia he still had some of his old traits.

John handed Sherlock a cup of tea and, to his surprise, saw Sherlock's hand tremble. Sherlock took one look at his hand and then set the cuppa down. Waiting for John to yell at him.

" What happened in your dream? " Sherlock ignored John completely "Sherlock make a deduction with my face. does it look like I'm asking? no, I'm ordering you to tell me"

" What did you tell me to do?" Sherlock asked.

" Make a deduction."

Sherlock jumped back mumbling words, fear in his eyes. Why was he acting like that, John thought. He held up his hands and rubbed them over his face.

" That was in my dream, some father beat up this kid and told him to make a deduction. "

" really," John said, surprised.

" Yes, John?"

" Yes?"

Sherlock took a deep breath, " I think I'm starting to remember."

* * *

**Well, that was a quick one. Sorry for the errors. Stupid spell check. Signen off, The Fangirl 2013**


	8. Mind Palace

**So ready for my amazing discovery that has nothing to do with Sherlock. Ready doctor who fans? The Doctor quoted Lion King and Areal. I love Disney! Best discovery ever! Also the doctor is a beast at football. So in honor of Doctor Who He will be in this one. He will also be in the next one, so vote to see which one it'll be. Must be 9th, 10th, or 11th doctor! If you don't know The Doctor look it up on Netflix! Any way this is the eleventh because I am watching him right know. **

* * *

Really? This was sooo easy. Why? Sherlock had no Idea. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He found out that he was able to notice everything. He noticed the shocked look from John, he noticed the money being exchanged from Anderson to another Scotland yard worker, he also noticed a black Sudan pull up on the road.

" It was the butler, goodbye." Sherlock walked toward the road.

" Can you give us more information? I'll buy you a beer?" Anderson asked.

" Make it 2 packs of cigarettes and it's a deal." Sherlock smiled along with Anderson. " Ok, motive: anger, Reason: because he was fired. Fired for something he didn't do. In fact he didn't do it Christian did. That's this guy right here. The first killing was the guy who fired him. He went crazy and is now going to kill anyone who hurt him. So to track him down you need to plant some evidence that someone on your side hurt his life in any way. Goodbye."

Sherlock walked towards the car and John followed. A girl walked out of the car and Sherlock did the only thing he thought of. He snogged her. She, of course worked with him. He stopped the kiss and slid into the car. Soon both John and the girl slid in too. The girl sat very close to Sherlock and smiled dreamily.

* * *

" Hello brother, you've changed." The man said.

" Who are you and why the bloody heck are you interrupting my life with your foolish shenanigans." Sherlock told him.

" I'm Mycroft.. Your older brother. So I think you need to treat me with respect." Sherlock just laughed." Okay worth a shot. Anyway we need you. As in the British government."

" With what?"

" Our war is failing. Our people are dying and we need a trainer. Your background makes you the perfect trainer to train new recruits. I would ask someone else but your the only one I can trust."

" What past? I DON'T REMEMBER! This isn't something new, so stop pretending it is!" Sherlock yelled.

" That can easily be fixed. Just go back to your mind palace."

" my WHAT!"

" Mind palace is what our grandfather made. It basically stores all our memories and information. When we use it your _supposed _store all memories in your brain and Mind Palace. You see when we go through something so traumatizing, so terrifying ,the Mind Palace freezes and activates a fail safe. It destroys itself. But your memories are already in your brain so it's okay. But Sherlock was cocky, he didn't believe he would ever be that afraid. He was wrong."

" So that's it? Why would It destroy itself?"

" Because it could kill you. Anyway it doesn't end there. The Mind Palace can come back. If you think on it hard enough you can get it back. But don't do it here, you need to be laying down fully relaxed." Mycroft smiled.

* * *

Sherlock walked back into the car and John was about to follow when Mycroft put his hand on his shoulder.

" John, When a Mind Palace delete's itself, the person Is in so much pain that they want to die. When Sherlock re-boots himself, He might want to do it again. Not only that but the Mind Palace sends a shock through the system, makes it be there for comfort. So in order to shock you it makes all your worst memories come back first. He'll literally be insane. You need to watch him."

* * *

" Hello? Time to leave. Sherlock? God could you stop snoggen the girl so we can leave! " John said

" Fine. Just for the record you were a great kisser." He says to the girl.

Sherlock walked out the Sudan and smiled. suddenly a man rushed over to him, held his arms and looked him up and down. He had brown hair, was tall and wearing a bow tie.

"Yep person, never mind. Hello I'm the Doctor! See any blue boxes lately?" The man asked

" No and your wearing a bow tie?" Sherlock replied.

"Bow tie's are cool!" The Doctor said.

" Are not!"

"Are too!" The Doctor said. "Whatever, you know a girl named Amy?"

" Yep about 20."

"Any ever kissed you, like alought?"

" Yes."

"Which one?"

" All of them!" Sherlock smiled and walked into the flat not bothering with the insane man.

Besides he had a Mind Palace to remember.

* * *

**Yay three cheers for the Insane Doctor!**


	9. The Doctor

**So counting the polls here... and it's the 10th doctor for the win. yay! He's my fav anyway. Yay for me!**

* * *

Sherlock sat on the couch and prepared himself. he didn't even have clue for what he was looking for. But he knew he had to try. Sherlock closed his eyes and called the stupid thing.

" I'm not stupid moron" a voice called.

he turned to see himself playing his violin. He (the other one) smiled and started to pluck the strings.

" Do you really want to see your past? " The other him said.

" Yes," he answered.

" Are you aware of the consequences?" The other said.

" Yes."

" Ok, but you have to promise me something."

" What? "

" Don't die. "

And the memories flooded his mind.

* * *

" Help, oh god help me!" Sherlock cried.

" Sherlock, Sherlock are you ok?" John asked.

" It hurts , oh god it hurts!" Sherlock had tears running down his cheeks.

" What is it Sherlock? You can tell me anything!"

" Dad is here. He's hitting me, tell him to stop! Please!"

John helped Sherlock to the couch and brought the man some food. By the time John came back with the food Sherlock was in tears. He begged John to shoot him. He cried and yelled and screamed and kicked. It broke John's heart to see the man in this state.

By the time he was done, John himself was in tears. Sherlock looked around the room. When he saw John crying he rushed over to him and tried to comfort him. But if you know Sherlock, you know he doesn't comfort. At all.

" Now I do believe I have a war to save."

* * *

" Stop, you , Sherlock Holmes." A man called.

" Who are you?" Sherlock asked.

" I'm the Doctor!" The man said . he wore a suit and a trench coat. Sherlock automatically liked him.

" Second person to tell me this, but Doctor Who?"

" Just The Doctor."

" Cool. The Sherlock Holmes. Have you been on the roof?" A blonde near him said.

" Sorry who are you?" Sherlock asked

" Rose Tyler." She answered.

" Nice. So why should I stop?" Sherlock asked.

" Because if you keep going Britain will rule part of Europe." The doctor said.

" And this is bad because.."

" Because it'll re-write time. It will destroy time itself."

" you can't destroy time it's a line that keeps going."

" No it's a ball of... wibbly wobboly time wimy stuff. And you can destroy it."

" Who cares?"

" you should." Rose said.

"Fine, but you can at least give me some proof.."

* * *

**And that's how Sherlock saw the tardis! Yep no spoilers to how he reacted. but he gave up the war. yay no BAMF Sherlock drill sergeant. if you want it maybe I can put in a chapter or two. but ya'll got to tell me, come on I got over 3,000 views. I know ya'll are listening.**


	10. depression

**So this will be the last chapter. I feel that this story is just about done. Besides 10 is an even and good number. The only way for this story to continue is if you want it. But I feel that this story has shown it's end. It will reach the light. Thank you for reading, the next chapter ( if you wish) will be a authors note. My personal thanks, now for the ( if you want ) last chapter of Pain.**

**Angst like whoa**

* * *

Sherlock was falling. He could hear the wind rush around him. He could feel the pain poor into his chest. All he wanted was peace, to hear his own neck crack. He wanted it so badly. He wanted everything to _stop!_

This time he wasn't leaving Moriarty behind, he was leaving his father. He hated how much he resembled his father. He wouldn't marry or have kids because of it. He wouldn't turn into his monster of a father.

No one knew of Sherlock's depression. No one knew of how much he wanted to take that jump once more, and this time he wouldn't fake it. It had started with the nightmare after hearing that Moriarty wanted his memories ; it started when he knew that Moriarty would kill him and everyone he loved. And there was nothing Sherlock could do about it.

" Help me!" Sherlock yelled.

" Sherlock!" John's familiar voice yelled.

John looked helplessly from his position. He watched as Sherlock fell. Sherlock was full of fear as he waved his arms in the air, desperately trying to stop himself. For a second he convinced himself he could open his wings he got with being on the side of angels. But even Sherlock couldn't convince himself of lies.

His dream ended as it usually ended, with him hitting the ground with a sickening _crack!_ You would think that seeing the same thing every night would make it a little less scary, that wasn't the case. He still woke up gasping and tears falling down his cheeks. He would always wake cold and alone, tired and sad. He would wish for someone to be there, but he also didn't like the idea of anyone seeing him so, well, normal.

But this time he wasn't alone.

John stood in the doorway with a look of shock on his face. He could see the sadness in his eyes. No, he won't stand for this, Sherlock jumped up and punched John square in the nose. He watched as his saddened look changed to pity. Sherlock hated it more. He hit his flat mate again, this time on the jaw. He saw John just shake his head and walk out.

Sherlock felt the pain in his chest swell. He screamed and kicked the wall. Over and over he kicked making holes in the wall and in his composer. He felt the tears fall and his foot break. John came back in with his First Aid kit and some water. He handed the water over and took off Sherlock's shoe. He looked down and saw how black and blue his feet were. He saw John fix up his foot and then he saw John stare at him.

" What?" Sherlock asked.

" What? Why the heck are you waking up screaming and then when I come to see if your okay, because your obviously not getting better, you hit me. Now, tell me, what's wrong?" John asked.

They sat in silence, until Sherlock spoke.

" Why are we here? I mean really, what's the point in life if all we can do is watch as people suffer. All we do is eat sleep and die. So why does it matter if one man dies? That's why people kill themselves, because they realize how worthless all of this really is. They are about as smart as anyone, but they can see past all the propaganda that this world puts out there. All the crap about peace and happiness, it isn't real. What is real is all the pain and suffering. So, John, What's wrong? What's wrong is everything. Life is _worthless."_

**A/N : wow, not sure how I was capable of that, read on fellow Sherlockians. Oh and don't get sad, there's more coming**

" Sherlock are you, are you depressed?" John asked.

" No! No I am not depressed. I'm perfectly fine, I can finally see. I can see life is horrible." Sherlock spat.

" Don't talk like that!"

" And you know what? I would trade everything to go back to the fall and do it all again. And this time it wouldn't be a trick. This..." Sherlock started.

" Shut up! Stop talking now, okay? Lay down and wait for me to come back." John commanded.

John was happy to come back and see Sherlock had obeyed. John picked up the water and handed him what he had gotten from downstairs. Sherlock made a face and leaned back.

" I told you I'm not depressed." He said.

" Yeah well you could have fooled me." John said shoving the pills into Sherlock's hand. "Take them and if you can stop acting like this, I'll let you stop taking them. And if you even once try to weasel your way out of this, I'll call Mycroft."

* * *

It went on for the next week, that is John forcing Sherlock to take the pills. Sherlock gradually got better. He didn't want to tell anyone, but he knew that John was right. This hadn't been the first time he had been this way. When his father went to jail, he had lots of nightmares. Lots. That made him, well, depressed.

Sherlock was back to normal in two months. He had some relapses, but it was nothing John couldn't handle. The fact of the matter was, there would always be pain and loss. But there also would be happiness. There also would be something else, Work. And everyone knew Sherlock was in it for the work.

* * *

**So another chapter? yes, no, maybe so? Anyways how was is? your thoughts?**


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